Mentoring young people — whether it’s professional growth on the job or as a friendly relationship to build rapport — is all about understanding and serving the mentee’s goals. That sounds easy enough, but many young people inherently do not know or think much about their own goals. Even if they have, just as many young people face self-doubt, low confidence, and lack of support. They just don’t know the “right” direction to take, or that there are options. This is where a good mentoring relationship can provide guidance.
A good mentor-mentee relationship starts with modeling
First-time mentors sometimes question how they could be anyone worth emulating. This is easier in the business world where jobs have set expectations for work performance and output.
But personal relationships like the kind Boone County Mentoring helps match between adults and youth mentees are different.
Some of the guidance we give people sounds straightforward, but it means a lot:
- Show genuine interest in your mentee.
- Role model good behavior in public and be fully aware of your choice of words, body language, and tone.
- Help your mentee grow and solve problems by offering your expertise or personal history.
- Don’t overstep your expertise, so know when to be “just” a sounding board.
- Be an active listener by raising questions as they talk, and pay full attention by not staring at your phone, a TV, or reading something.
- Encourage confidence by reminding your mentee you think they can do things, even when they don’t think they can.
- Share your own mistakes and setbacks to help your mentee learn and feel comfortable acknowledging their own challenges.
- When mentoring youth, be careful with career advice since most kids are too far removed from thinking about a career or work to be able to relate well. If you’re sharing about a job, try to frame it in broad ways they can understand as two people interacting to achieve a goal, not a political or fiscal problem.
- Provide structure and organization to your relationship by having a plan. (More tips on that below.)
A good mentor-mentee relationship can only build trust and confidence in each other with time. Like any good friendship or professional relationship, the best mentors:
- Hold to strict confidentiality. Our mentors don’t often talk with parents or caregivers about what their mentee has said. And most parents wouldn’t want it any other way unless there are serious mental or physical health issues to address.
- Be open and honest. Never lie!
- Ensure confidence and continuity by always being reliable and doing what you say you are going to do. Sometimes, things will come up, like an illness. But the best mentor is someone you know is always there. Protect your calendar and schedule and treat time with your mentee like you would time with a doctor or spouse.
- Help them set some goals, even if they don’t know that’s what you’re doing. It may take time, but eventually, your mentee will say, “I wish I could throw like that,” or “I wish I could run a little faster,” or “I don’t think I can get an A in history.” Latch on to those phrases. These are all great ways to subtly work toward new skills, interests, and goals they have.
A mentoring relationship serves everyone’s own journey
Good mentors provide a safe space for kids and teens to step away from family, classmates, homework, and other responsibilities. Sometimes, it’s just going to get lunch, working on a car, hiking, playing basketball, or some other hobby or activity.
Virtually all of our mentors would tell you they learn as much from their mentees as the mentees learn from them. Mentors can help mentees grow by providing opportunities and resources that align with their goals. They develop their own active listening skills, share interests, expose each other to new ideas and topics, and help each other in an open, honest way.
Observe how your mentee seems to learn and provide examples and positive reinforcement. If they prefer “tinkering around,” lean into that. Your job is to be their greatest supporter.
Just like in your career, use your knowledge where possible. If a task, goal, or activity seems out of your depth, connect your mentee with people who can help. We can also help provide resources and connections.
Mentors should always have a plan
A great mentor always has a plan. A marketing manager like Charlene Strain effectively plans and guides their mentees, ensuring they have a clear path to follow. Mentors who look to their young mentees for “What do you want to do?” And “Where would you like to eat?” will likely get the same “I dunno” we expect from our own kids or family. Have a plan, if only as a backup after asking what they’d like to do, where to go, and what to see.
We help mentors prepare for this by setting them up for success during the match. We talk about what the mentee enjoys most. And we help mentors get event tickets, museum admission, and more around central Indiana.
You may find that a routine settles into place with time. For example, “We always play ball at the Y” or “We both like to hang out in the garage after school.” That’s great! But it takes time to build that kind of consistency.
Join the dozens of incredible mentors right here in Boone County
The Boone County Mentoring Partnership needs you! Currently, there are dozens of young people in Boone County waiting for someone like you.
You’ll be surprised what you can do. Almost all our current mentors started the same way, talking about concerns with scheduling and being unsure they were the best person for the commitment. But after just a few weeks, everyone’s attitude changes.
Get started by applying to be a mentor. It takes just a few minutes. There’s no risk or commitment until after we introduce you to a potential match.